Am I the Dog?

Who is the Dog?? Am I the Dog?


Remember this scene in the all-time classic movie, When Harry Met Sally? Harry (Billy Crystal) metaphorically uses a dog to explain an error in their ways and Sally (Meg Ryan) promptly and indignantly responds with, "Who is the dog, Harry? I am? Am I the dog??" Well, I feel like Sally these days... only, not necessarily with a significant other, but with my kids!!! As they get older (nine and seven years old), they exert such strong opinions... and usually against something that I have done for their well-being!!! Why? We moms try so hard to give our elementary school kids exposure to many different activities, in hopes that a) something sticks, about which they can write a college application essay, to say the least, and/or b) we give them something to do that does not involve some kind of screen and keeps them occupied between the hours that they get out of school and we get home from work - tennis, golf, karate, gymnastics, dance, music, soccer, basketball, baseball, religious school, art, tutoring, after-school care, whatever, pick your poison, your vice, their passion?? We all do it. We do. And yet, where is the appreciation, the gratitude, the thanks for a job well done? Instead, I feel like I get kicked. And moms, worse yet, just today I got blamed for signing my kids up for something that my husband insisted they do! Why am I the punching bag? Why am I the dog??

My friend, who has a three year old and one year old, is overwhelmed by the preschool and kindergarten applications that already beseech her. Why is she putting herself through all of this craziness? So her kids can receive a good education and reach their full potentials during their lifetimes. There are many days when I feel overwhelmed by the paperwork and logistics and the oversight and the coaching and the whining and the organization of it all. Sure, we have our own motives for signing up our children for “fun” activities, but shouldn’t our kids be appreciative of the opportunities that we offer to them?

Well, maybe that is expecting too much. However, when your child would much rather play video games on the couch for two hours after school each day, pushing for alternative activities might not be a bad thing. The Child Trends Data Bank reveals the following:
“The time children spend after school influences their development. Through after-school activities, children can develop social skills, improve their academic performance, and establish strong relationships with caring adults. Participation in club activities during middle childhood is linked to higher academic performance and self-esteem. Participation in sports is linked to higher social competence and contributes to better health and lower likelihood of obesity. After-school programs may be especially beneficial for low-income children and children with limited English proficiency. Some research shows that children of low-income families who attend after-school programs are less likely to exhibit antisocial and problem behaviors. Children who regularly attend high-quality after-school programs are more likely to be engaged in school and attentive in class. They are also less likely to skip school and start drinking alcohol. Older children who consistently participate in after-school activities are more likely to attend college, vote, and volunteer later in life.“

I believe it is important for us to understand what is motivating us as parents to sign up our children for the activities which we choose. Sometimes it is because our child has a proclivity in a certain area. Other times, it is simply, “because we said so.” All I can add is: be prepared to have a thick skin!!! The gratitude will not come for a long while. You ARE the dog.

New York Times writes about women returning to work

See the following newsflash from mommytrackd.com - the link provides a synopsis of and link to the New York Times recent article about the recession's impact on women who "opted out". http://www.mommytrackd.com/newsdesk_women_in_workforce_during_recession

My two cents: yes, more women are brushing off their resumes and engaging with the workforce, but I would like to see the statistics if any more of these women are getting jobs than the women who tried to re-enter the workforce a few years ago, after taking time off amounting to over 3 years. Silvia Ann Hewlett (economist, author and founder of the Center for Work-Life Policy) has extensive research that over 90% of highly qualified women want to come back to work (let alone the ones these days that need to), but only 74% actually land a position and only 40% feel satisfied with that match. Often, the ones who are offered positions take marked pay cuts or less challenging jobs in order to jump on the “opportunity” and merely re-establish a foothold. Rather than being viewed as a source of expertise, knowledge, skills and accomplishment, they often face having to rebuild their career from a different starting point than where it was when they left to have a family.

It would be beneficial to hire back many of these women, for the economy and for diversity of skillsets. It makes good business sense too. Putting aside the fact that there are better returns on investment when there are senior women represented in a firm, in the United States alone, women between the ages of 45-64 make up the largest demographic: close to 40 million people. These women – while still rearing children and probably responsible for the majority of elderly care – are an independent frame of reference, secure and confident, and seem poised to assert themselves, stand up for their needs and advocate for the person they want to become. Women in their 40s and 50s have the opportunity again to fulfill their professional aspirations and they can devote a great deal of energy to their employer. They can be fiercely loyal, especially in the face of recessionary lessons, and they are now wise from a new perspective of having left the workforce for a period and running a household - from projects to education, finances, procurement. We can multi-task better and we can be highly organized and uber-efficient.

I'd like to see more women returning to the workforce and getting the positions that complement their skillsets. I am still skeptical that this is really happening but hopeful that it will. It should!