Does Stress Discriminate?

How many times have you screamed the words, "I am so stressed" - - in your head - - while externally you look calm, cool and collected? You may have just come from a business meeting and now rush frantically to your child’s school… or you may be sitting in a pediatric appointment, the doctor is running late, and now you fear that you will miss a scheduled meeting back in the office. How about the times when little errands creep into your day’s plans, or something breaks in the house, the school calls that your child is sick, or your husband asks you to pick up / drop-off something because he, himself, hasn’t the time. All of a sudden you find yourself in a pressure cooker, taking on too much for the amount of waking hours in the day. There are countless examples when our working and personal worlds collide, when there aren’t enough minutes in the day, and the boss is calling, the kids are fighting, the husband is asking, the school is requesting, the house needs fixing, the “to do” list is growing, the deadlines are approaching. Don’t you just want to scream sometimes?

The impact of stress has relevance to both genders and all age groups, actually, and bears direct influence on the economy, business, families and our environment. Colleen Contreras and Jim Claitor, authors of the book Build the Life You Want and the program overwhelmedandovercommitted.com, provide the following staggering statistics:
• Up to 9 out of 10 visits to a general / family doctor in the USA are due to stress – which fuels the much-debated high costs of medicine;
• Annual cost of work time lost due to stress equals $30 billion in the USA alone – affecting productivity of our businesses;
• 40% of worker turnover is due to stress – The cost of turnover is between $3,000 and $30,000 per employee, and as high as 6-digits for highly skilled employees, not including lost productivity; and
• $300 billion, or $7,500 per employee, is spent annually in the US on stress-related compensation claims, reduced productivity, absenteeism, health insurance costs, direct medical expenses (nearly 50% higher for workers who report stress), and employee turnover.

And, it is not just the person under stress who is impacted; it is also those around us, including our children. Meredith O’Brien cites in “Kids Want Parents to Chill Out” under mommytrackd.com’s Newsdesk a recent finding by Ellen Galinsky, the President of The Families and Work Institute, wherein surveyed children between the ages of 3-10 wished their parents to be less stressed and tired, above all other choices about their parents’ work lives.

An obvious contributing factor to stress is in the hours we work, especially Americans who now work more hours than employees in any other first world country. In fact, The Center for Economic and Policy Research reported in 2006 that there would be a rise in energy consumption by 15-30% if the world increased their work hours to American levels. By the year 2050, the increase in carbon emissions would result in a 1-2 degree Celsius up-tick in the air temperature, ie. a contributing factor to faster global warming! According to CareerBuilding and careerpath.com, 77% of workers felt that the increased use of mobile devices has done nothing to reduce time spent working; isn’t that obvious? We know that electronics and computers are responsible for connecting us faster, globally, and moving us into higher levels of expectations. The result: delivery expectations within the hours in which we work puts an inordinate amount of pressure (and stress) on turn-around time. Thus, the world moves at lightning speed so people work at a much faster pace and the expectations grow beyond capability within the hours presented and the vicious cycle begins. Welcome the onset of stress and the growing struggle to reconcile work and life, and to find moments to decompress physically and mentally.

And throughout all of this, time just seems to slip by faster and faster and emerge again, in a blink of an eye, a year later. After all, as Jim and Colleen valiantly point out, “it doesn’t matter how many variables you have ultimately, the equation always has to balance to the 24 hours that are in a day.” Time management tools are not the panacea alone. Understanding your priorities, having the discipline to prioritize those choices and maintaining self-awareness are integral components to achieve better balance. This all leads to the dirty two letter word, “no”, that so many of us, especially the stay-at-work, guilt-driven moms, have trouble using.

So, speaking of us stay-at-work moms, do we incur more stress than the average person? In August 2007, researchers surveyed 17,000 men and women in 27 countries, including the U.S., and revealed that men do an average of 9-10 hours of housework/week- that's 32%- compared to women who perform 21+ hours/week of housework-about 70% of the labor. Furthermore, the National Organization for Women reports that the division of housework has not changed from what it was nearly 20 years ago - - despite the fact that more women have entered the workforce! Not surprisingly, this leads to greater stress among women. Recent research shows that male blood pressure and stress-hormone levels drop dramatically after 5pm while women's levels rise significantly as "they turn their attention from their 'first-shift' jobs to their 'second-shift' responsibilities.”

What are we as a community going to do to combat stress? Virginia Valian, Ph.D., points out to us, "The usual solutions proffered to solve women's' problems are higher-quality, more affordable, more widely available child care; flexible work hours; and family-leave policies. All those improvements are needed, but they fail to question the way the problem is framed. They do not ask why combining work and family is a female problem rather than a human problem, and thus do not address it as a human problem."
-as written by Denise Berger and seen in mommytracked.com

Do you cry?

Are you a cry-baby? Were you one when you were younger? Have you turned into one since having a baby – you know, the person who tears up at a Johnson & Johnson commercial that features a Shiloh baby look-alike? Or perhaps you are now more sensitive than ever to movies that project the passage of time. The Notebook comes to mind. Well, let those tears roll with pride. William H. Frey II, a neuroscientist and biochemist who wrote the book, Crying: The Mystery of Tears, conducted a study which showed that men cry an average of 1.4 times a month and that women cry about 5.3 times a month. Why are women prone to crying nearly four times that of men? Research indicates that prolactin is the culprit. Prolactin, a stress hormone released via tears, is found to be residing in women’s bodies at a higher concentration and also found to be involved in the synthesis of breast milk.
The upside for women: According to Nomi Kaim in the article, Tearful Serenity: Crying Away the Stress, “emotional tears” in both genders contain 25% more proteins than those tears we secrete on a regular basis that are blinked away or tears from an irritant in the eye. These proteins are actually the prolactin hormones that have been built up to high levels due to stress. So, just as sweat is a secretion of stress due to an adrenaline surge, so are the “emotional tears” a healthy release of toxic stress levels. The downside for women: In the workplace, a woman crying in front of a supervisor and/or colleagues can be perceived as a sign of weakness, even if performance suggests otherwise.
What to do? Elizabeth Pace, author of the forthcoming book, The X and Y of Buy: Why Gender Matters in Sales and Marketing, suggests the following exercises. First, concentrate on breathing and particularly the exhale which is known to relieve stress and lower blood pressure. If you have water near you, drink some. Your body can not both drink and cry simultaneously. Tears are controlled by the parasympathetic nervous system and as Nomi Kaim points out, that system can only operate when there is nothing taking priority in the body. If you are not able to obtain a glass of water easily, don’t despair. Elizabeth suggests looking up and to the left, activating the left side of the brain, the hub for analytical thinking (emotions are processed on the right side of the brain). Elizabeth goes on to point out that one of the best tactics for suppressing emotions is silence. If you find yourself in a highly-charged situation, excuse yourself, recompose and think before you speak. If it is not possible to leave, remain silent until you can discuss the situation without producing “emotional tears” during the conversation.
-as written by Denise Berger on mommytracked.com

Getting Control of Healthcare

"Women are going to change the face of healthcare more than the government will." - Dr. Oz

Womenomics

Does it make good business sense to have women in the executive rank and file of business? Do we need more women in politics? You bet! Read in this link about why, from the authors of the book, Womenomics.

Not to mention that I found it very interesting to learn that the kids in our 4th and 5th grades are running for student office and the majority of the candidates AND their campaign managers are... guess, what... girls! Where are all the boys? Fearful of giving the 1-minute mandatory speech, I hear. What does that say to all of us? Certainly, women are and will be a good part of the high-potential talent.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Story?id=7721081&page=1#

Am I the Dog?

Who is the Dog?? Am I the Dog?


Remember this scene in the all-time classic movie, When Harry Met Sally? Harry (Billy Crystal) metaphorically uses a dog to explain an error in their ways and Sally (Meg Ryan) promptly and indignantly responds with, "Who is the dog, Harry? I am? Am I the dog??" Well, I feel like Sally these days... only, not necessarily with a significant other, but with my kids!!! As they get older (nine and seven years old), they exert such strong opinions... and usually against something that I have done for their well-being!!! Why? We moms try so hard to give our elementary school kids exposure to many different activities, in hopes that a) something sticks, about which they can write a college application essay, to say the least, and/or b) we give them something to do that does not involve some kind of screen and keeps them occupied between the hours that they get out of school and we get home from work - tennis, golf, karate, gymnastics, dance, music, soccer, basketball, baseball, religious school, art, tutoring, after-school care, whatever, pick your poison, your vice, their passion?? We all do it. We do. And yet, where is the appreciation, the gratitude, the thanks for a job well done? Instead, I feel like I get kicked. And moms, worse yet, just today I got blamed for signing my kids up for something that my husband insisted they do! Why am I the punching bag? Why am I the dog??

My friend, who has a three year old and one year old, is overwhelmed by the preschool and kindergarten applications that already beseech her. Why is she putting herself through all of this craziness? So her kids can receive a good education and reach their full potentials during their lifetimes. There are many days when I feel overwhelmed by the paperwork and logistics and the oversight and the coaching and the whining and the organization of it all. Sure, we have our own motives for signing up our children for “fun” activities, but shouldn’t our kids be appreciative of the opportunities that we offer to them?

Well, maybe that is expecting too much. However, when your child would much rather play video games on the couch for two hours after school each day, pushing for alternative activities might not be a bad thing. The Child Trends Data Bank reveals the following:
“The time children spend after school influences their development. Through after-school activities, children can develop social skills, improve their academic performance, and establish strong relationships with caring adults. Participation in club activities during middle childhood is linked to higher academic performance and self-esteem. Participation in sports is linked to higher social competence and contributes to better health and lower likelihood of obesity. After-school programs may be especially beneficial for low-income children and children with limited English proficiency. Some research shows that children of low-income families who attend after-school programs are less likely to exhibit antisocial and problem behaviors. Children who regularly attend high-quality after-school programs are more likely to be engaged in school and attentive in class. They are also less likely to skip school and start drinking alcohol. Older children who consistently participate in after-school activities are more likely to attend college, vote, and volunteer later in life.“

I believe it is important for us to understand what is motivating us as parents to sign up our children for the activities which we choose. Sometimes it is because our child has a proclivity in a certain area. Other times, it is simply, “because we said so.” All I can add is: be prepared to have a thick skin!!! The gratitude will not come for a long while. You ARE the dog.

New York Times writes about women returning to work

See the following newsflash from mommytrackd.com - the link provides a synopsis of and link to the New York Times recent article about the recession's impact on women who "opted out". http://www.mommytrackd.com/newsdesk_women_in_workforce_during_recession

My two cents: yes, more women are brushing off their resumes and engaging with the workforce, but I would like to see the statistics if any more of these women are getting jobs than the women who tried to re-enter the workforce a few years ago, after taking time off amounting to over 3 years. Silvia Ann Hewlett (economist, author and founder of the Center for Work-Life Policy) has extensive research that over 90% of highly qualified women want to come back to work (let alone the ones these days that need to), but only 74% actually land a position and only 40% feel satisfied with that match. Often, the ones who are offered positions take marked pay cuts or less challenging jobs in order to jump on the “opportunity” and merely re-establish a foothold. Rather than being viewed as a source of expertise, knowledge, skills and accomplishment, they often face having to rebuild their career from a different starting point than where it was when they left to have a family.

It would be beneficial to hire back many of these women, for the economy and for diversity of skillsets. It makes good business sense too. Putting aside the fact that there are better returns on investment when there are senior women represented in a firm, in the United States alone, women between the ages of 45-64 make up the largest demographic: close to 40 million people. These women – while still rearing children and probably responsible for the majority of elderly care – are an independent frame of reference, secure and confident, and seem poised to assert themselves, stand up for their needs and advocate for the person they want to become. Women in their 40s and 50s have the opportunity again to fulfill their professional aspirations and they can devote a great deal of energy to their employer. They can be fiercely loyal, especially in the face of recessionary lessons, and they are now wise from a new perspective of having left the workforce for a period and running a household - from projects to education, finances, procurement. We can multi-task better and we can be highly organized and uber-efficient.

I'd like to see more women returning to the workforce and getting the positions that complement their skillsets. I am still skeptical that this is really happening but hopeful that it will. It should!